Complicated Parenting

I wrote this a while back before Nathan was born. Thought I would share.

Parenting today has been made to be so complicated. As if it isn't already hard enough. With all the books and rules that the "experts" put out. To me they just seem to cause more trouble. First of all what makes them experts anyway? A PhD? And did you know that some of these people that are putting these books out don't even have any kids of their own. What's up with that?

I am not saying that there aren't good books out there with wonderful information in them. I read all the time and there are many books that I would be eager to recommend to parents to read. But come on. No wonder parents today are so confused about what to do with there kids. They read all these books and try to follow all the rules and can't figure out why they aren't working.

The key is to figure out what works best for you and your child in your situation. There are some things that are just givens. They are just things you have to do. But a lot of the other information out there is just extra fluff. Stuff to try and see if it will work. But if it doesn't work then for goodness sake try something else. Don't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Move on. Just because an "expert" says to do it doesn't mean it will work with your child.

I guess you could say that I am old school. Even though I don't consider myself to be old. I believe in holding and rocking and snuggling your baby to sleep. I don't think you can ruin a child that way. I have two prime examples with my own two boys. That is how I would put them to sleep most of the time. I loved it, they loved it and they were very happy well adjusted easy babies. As they grew older we gradually phased into laying them in the crib while being almost asleep and then laying them down while still awake. It was an easy transition. But I would still sit and rock and read them a bedtime story.

Now, parents are told not to do these things. That if you hold your baby to much and rock them to sleep or hold them while they are sleeping they wont learn to sleep on their own. Instead they are suppose to just lay them in their crib and leave them to cry it out. Then they wonder why their babies are so fussy all the time. I'm not saying there isn't a time and a place for this but I believe parents may do it too soon.

Babies need the tender touch, the snuggling, the tender tone of your voice. It's through that they learn to feel secure enough to go to sleep on there own. Knowing that you are there and will take care of them if they need you.

That's just one area that I have been thinking about lately. This next subject is pointed mostly at mothers and is the subject of breastfeeding and all the rules that freak mom's out. I personally was not able to breastfeed my two boys for physical reasons. I have and do know women that are and I have read a lot on the subject. So of course I have my own opinion on the matter which I am eager to share.

Forget about the rules. They will just make you feel like you aren't doing things right and stress you out which will stress the baby out. Just do what feels right. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Do whatever works for you.

I forget who it was but I read or heard a lactation nurse recently talking about when they first started "teaching" mom's how to breast feed. She said that this was the turning point when mom's started bottle feeding more. That all the rules and different holds that are taught to mothers today only make things more complicated and end up stressing the mother out. Which in turn effects the baby and things just go down hill from there. I have a tendency to agree with her.

I only got a brief taste of this but I remember in the hospital a " lactation consultant " coming in to show me how to nurse. I remember her putting Sean in this very awkward, unnatural position. I believe she called it the "football hold" and then taking my breast in her cold hand and shoving it in his mouth. You could say I was a wee bit uncomfortable. It turned out that I was not able to produce enough milk anyway so that's all water under the bridge now. But I can understand a little about what that lactation nurse from before was talking about.

Something else she said was that mom's just need to relax, lay back with the baby at their breast and they will know what to do. How simple is that. Think about it though. Women have been having babies and feeding babies since the beginning of time. All babies are born with an instinct to nurse. God created them that way. I believe that God gave women the instinct to know what to do as well. We just have to listen to what nature is telling us to do and not the world.

Who are we to come in and make up all these rules that are suppose to improve the situation. Haven't you noticed that when humans try to improve on something that God has already set up perfectly it just ends up making things worse.

I guess what I am trying to say through all of this is to relax. Read the books but realize that they are not the holy grail of parenting knowledge. Listen to the advise that family is so eager to give but only use what will work for you and yours. Keep in mind that every child is different and what works with one may not work with another. Enjoy the time that you have with you little ones. It only comes once and is gone in the blink of an eye. Finally, pray for wisdom and patience. You will need them both as the years go by.

May God bless you and your families as you endeavor to do the most important task of raising your children.